bRANT 03

It’s funny, life has been going incredibly well. It’s funny because I am constantly digging to find something to worry about. What’s next? What am I missing? What do I need to be focusing on? What can I improve and optimize? What needs done right now or will get me ahead?
I notice now, after years of constant financial worry, that I don’t have a lot to worry about. At least not right now. And here I am, It’s not even 8am yet and I’ve combed through my schedule today and all week, all of my reminders and all of my notes. I created a To Do list that’s both short term and long term. There’s nothing else right now that I can absolutely think of that needs done in this moment.

This makes me think and feel a few ways. Number one, the human being is NEVER okay. You will never be “good”.. In the sense of how you perceived it just now. Good as in like I won’t have to worry ever. YOU WILL. Trust me. You will always find something to worry about.

Number two is that this makes me realize how easy it is to fall apart as a human. Honestly. When I don’t have a lot to worry about, my mind reverts to celebration mode. Not necessarily relaxation mode, It goes to party mode. What’s next for fun? What’s next to make me better? I am ALWAYS asking these questions. 

But as annoying as it kind of feels to feel like this even when I now I don’t need to worry. It makes me think… Maybe the only reason I got here was my constant ability to handle pressure and prepare for worry/issues in my days and weeks. Maybe I worry about the right things, and that’s led me to the right places..

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